ilex_cassine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ilex_cassine) wrote2010-11-14 11:16 pm
ilex_cassine) wrote2010-11-14 11:16 pm
Running
Dark chocolate covered peppermint Jojos from Trader Joe's are sooo damn good. They are what Girl Scout Cookies wish they were. I shouldn't eat them, because they are probably not good for the ol' migraines, but I had a few today because they are fantastic.
What I wanted to post about is running and my recent exercise routines, however.
And I might say "oh, its a good thing I went on a run today given all those cookies" except weight loss and control is not even in my calculus when it comes to fitness (yes, I know I'm metabolically privileged, but that's how it is and I can't change it anymore than anyone who isn't can change their situation). In fact, I'm really happy having gained 20 pounds in the last five years, there is now a bit of much needed oomph in the caboose (so to speak) I didn't have before. I get very frustrated with the majority of fitness articles because they all seem fixated on weight loss. I don't even think that's helpful, even if weight loss is a goal. Training for physical improvement is where its at, in my opinion. Never mind weight.
But. I do think running has the potential to turn me into a neurotic basket case. Which is the opposite of why I exercise, which is for my mental health as well as physical improvement. I was never a runner. I liked running in elementary school, after that no way. In spite of having people tell me I have a runner's build, etc. I just didn't cotton to it. Running makes me feel heavy and I can never, ever go as fast as I want or think I should be able to. So I get frustrated and downright despondent. And its not like tennis or fencing where you can win. There is no winning when you only have yourself as an opponent, even if I was in a race I'd never win because I'd always want a faster time. I recently managed an eight minute mile on the treadmill, which was ostensibly a big goal of mine. That eight minute mile didn't make me feel good. I was cranky because I couldn't do three more eight minute miles and needed a minute walking break after I did it. Perhaps I'll be more excited when (if, technically, but I think when, if I don't get fed up) I run a 5k in 24 minutes, which is the big goal the eight minute mile is leading to. But even then I'll probably be mad it was on a treadmill, so then it'll have to be a 5k cross country, and then I'll be mad it wasn't uphill, or that I didn't accomplish the goal with less training, and you can see where this is going. Neurotic basket case territory.
And I'm not sure I like the muscles running builds either. Calves are strange. I've never had much by way of calf muscles. But I'm noticing my calf muscles getting bigger and I'm not sure what I think of that.
But running is cheap. So running it is for the moment, in part because I dislike swimming even more than running. Swimming is next up though, I'm going to grit my teeth and see if I can't get up to 400 yards again (ugh, I was doing 800 yards at age 13ish, I ought to be able to do at least that). I expect I'll be able to cut myself a bit more slack for swimming. I hope. It may just lead to more feeling like crap about my capabilities though.
All of this makes me long for my twenties. I never felt my physical limitations so strongly in my twenties, because it always felt like I could improve. Now I doubt myself. Doubting myself is unpleasant and unhelpful for training.
I am grateful however that I feel up to exercise at all, and the migraines have let up enough to allow for it. And the back issues that felled my Dad in regards to running haven't hit me (though my whole family just yells that I should just do ashtanga yoga for general fitness every time I bring up running with them, "buuut your back!" and my family is very addicted to exercise- maybe they have a point, however my response is "buuut yoga is slow and drives me nuts!") I should just try to be happy in the just doing, in general, and not get frustrated about the goals and particulars.
And here I was thinking of writing something about weight lifting along with the running, soliciting advice about it, and keeping a record of where I'm at with it. Piffle, stupid running made me babble. I guess I'll do that later.
What I wanted to post about is running and my recent exercise routines, however.
And I might say "oh, its a good thing I went on a run today given all those cookies" except weight loss and control is not even in my calculus when it comes to fitness (yes, I know I'm metabolically privileged, but that's how it is and I can't change it anymore than anyone who isn't can change their situation). In fact, I'm really happy having gained 20 pounds in the last five years, there is now a bit of much needed oomph in the caboose (so to speak) I didn't have before. I get very frustrated with the majority of fitness articles because they all seem fixated on weight loss. I don't even think that's helpful, even if weight loss is a goal. Training for physical improvement is where its at, in my opinion. Never mind weight.
But. I do think running has the potential to turn me into a neurotic basket case. Which is the opposite of why I exercise, which is for my mental health as well as physical improvement. I was never a runner. I liked running in elementary school, after that no way. In spite of having people tell me I have a runner's build, etc. I just didn't cotton to it. Running makes me feel heavy and I can never, ever go as fast as I want or think I should be able to. So I get frustrated and downright despondent. And its not like tennis or fencing where you can win. There is no winning when you only have yourself as an opponent, even if I was in a race I'd never win because I'd always want a faster time. I recently managed an eight minute mile on the treadmill, which was ostensibly a big goal of mine. That eight minute mile didn't make me feel good. I was cranky because I couldn't do three more eight minute miles and needed a minute walking break after I did it. Perhaps I'll be more excited when (if, technically, but I think when, if I don't get fed up) I run a 5k in 24 minutes, which is the big goal the eight minute mile is leading to. But even then I'll probably be mad it was on a treadmill, so then it'll have to be a 5k cross country, and then I'll be mad it wasn't uphill, or that I didn't accomplish the goal with less training, and you can see where this is going. Neurotic basket case territory.
And I'm not sure I like the muscles running builds either. Calves are strange. I've never had much by way of calf muscles. But I'm noticing my calf muscles getting bigger and I'm not sure what I think of that.
But running is cheap. So running it is for the moment, in part because I dislike swimming even more than running. Swimming is next up though, I'm going to grit my teeth and see if I can't get up to 400 yards again (ugh, I was doing 800 yards at age 13ish, I ought to be able to do at least that). I expect I'll be able to cut myself a bit more slack for swimming. I hope. It may just lead to more feeling like crap about my capabilities though.
All of this makes me long for my twenties. I never felt my physical limitations so strongly in my twenties, because it always felt like I could improve. Now I doubt myself. Doubting myself is unpleasant and unhelpful for training.
I am grateful however that I feel up to exercise at all, and the migraines have let up enough to allow for it. And the back issues that felled my Dad in regards to running haven't hit me (though my whole family just yells that I should just do ashtanga yoga for general fitness every time I bring up running with them, "buuut your back!" and my family is very addicted to exercise- maybe they have a point, however my response is "buuut yoga is slow and drives me nuts!") I should just try to be happy in the just doing, in general, and not get frustrated about the goals and particulars.
And here I was thinking of writing something about weight lifting along with the running, soliciting advice about it, and keeping a record of where I'm at with it. Piffle, stupid running made me babble. I guess I'll do that later.